Thursday, April 26, 2012


So I am feeling anxious today.
It is probably because of all the things I screwed up royally today.
I sent home student tests with out recording the grades and had to e-mail parents and beg for the things back. We will see how that goes.
I had to drink the nasty glucola drink for my glucose test only to find out- My appt is tomorrow. The wonderful nurses laughed at me as they took my blood anyway so I wouldn't have to do it again tomorrow. You know, when my actual appointment is.
I went to the store, did not buy dog food or get cash back.
Justin is at the store for the dogs and my $10.
I forgot to bring $10 to pay for hairspray tickets, so I am in debt to a very nice teacher who's wife is directing the local high school production.

Stuff like this gets me anxious.

It would be easy to blame pregger brain, but that is a whole lotta crap to screw up in one day. I don't know why but I have this intense desire to appear "together." It is not like my parents were nazis about grades, they never said bad things about me. In fact I think my mother thinks a little to highly of me sometimes. Well the old me. The perfect baby, toddler and child who never got in trouble or caused her anxiety or stress. Whereas my child is a piss ant sometimes. He is a 14 month old boy.  Comon.
It is normal to be annoyed when someone compares your child to theirs, but when that "other child" is you, what do you say? lol

Wow- holy -tangent- batman

Maybe my mom is stressing me out. She was actually very nice and helpful today  AND did it without complaint, so I don't think I can pin today on her. Normally- yes, today- no.

Back to my compulsive need to please. The kiss of death for me as a child would have been "I am disappointed" It still is as an adult. Which makes that above list a VERY long one for me. Normally I can handle those screw ups spread out over a week, but in one day- I suck.

I guess I am just having an "I suck" day.

I am normally very confident person. I don't feel like there is much to complain about my body or my looks, although they are changing dramatically as I get older. I don't think I am as pretty as I used to be. I feel like the general shape of my face has changed and it just is not as attractive. It is not that I am "ugg I am so old and ugly" just not as pretty. GAH what a terrible complex right? Now I feel like I am being self centered. Kids are starving in Africa (Hell, in America) for God's sake. It is like when people give me crap for being thin. It really annoys me. I know I am a normal body weight ( not in a pregger state) I don't walk around going "Oh my God, I am so fat" insecure people do that. Like I said, I don't need that kind of attention.

ok rant over- hope it made sense

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