Saturday, April 27, 2013


So I have taken MANY personality quizzes over the years. For different jobs, for college, for fun. I took one today out of a book. Like the WHOLE book was about this specific personality test. It is similar to the Briggs Myers, but asks questions about long term and personality where Briggs Myers is more for "this time in your life."
So I almost always have the same results. A leader, a teacher, open to listening, optimisitc... blah blah blah. So I was not anticipating much else. However, this was a whole book on the 16 personalities, whoa. I had 3 pages of explanation of my personality type, as opposed to the 2-3 sentence summary I have been given in the past. It was so much better able to express what I have known most of my life and more specifically what I have learned about myself in the last year.

So firstly I was classified as a "Teacher." However, it emphasizes that they are not assigning jobs, but rather personality classification. Even more importantly, less than 2% of the population falls into this category and, in fact, most teachers do not go on to be actual teachers, even though they are very well suited for the job. Many go on to be great orators: media personalities, ministers and the like. So basically, I should have been Pope, but you know, I don't do hats.

It did blather on about things I did know. Highly interpersonal and intrapersonal.  I can read others and I am specifically good at reading myself. Which I am. Even if I can not put my finger on it, I know when something is off with someone. Probably why I notice when people are preggers before they announce, or even know themselves. (so I am not psychic after all, just observant to the tiniest changes hmmmm.) I can always figure out why I am reacting the way I am, sometimes not right away, but I can always figure out my emotions afterward. Even when I start to get depressed, I sit an analyze myself and get my butt up and going before it gets too bad. I always know when an anxiety attack is coming and can head it off with medication and meditation. Not always both are needed though...

One thing it did say was that my personality type believes that they are "instinctively understood and communication is naturally accepted. Because of this they are surprised and often hurt when their intentions are misconstrued. Most of the conflicts they find themselves in are usually resulted from being misunderstood and these conflicts are often resolved quickly because they are so good at communicating for themselves."

Boy is that true. There are many benign things that I have said, that I meant them the way I said them. BUT, people read way more into it and I end up the bad guy. Completely blind sided. Now, there are times when I was snarky and bitchy, but those times NEVER result in the confrontation that my benign things do. I know when I am being bitchy and I usually apologize. My hubby is usually the recipient of that.

One thing that is dead on is that this personality type is deeply empathetic. So much so that they become over involved in others personal issues and take on the emotional state of others. I do. I hate to see those I am close to go through any emotional distress and I become their personal therapist. BTW that is another one of the jobs, this personality type should go into.

Overall we (my personality type) have high expectations of everyone. Not the kind that no one can live up to kind, but rather that everyone is going to be their best person. A positive side of this is that the people around them strive to live up to that expectation unconsciously (I think this applies to the Hubby.) The negative side is that people assume I will be mad or upset if they don't. The book says it perfectly of how others react to my expectations. "... (they) doubt that they can live up to such and exulted conception of themselves, unaware that Teachers are their boosters, not their critics." And that is it. If someone didn't do their absolute best- I wouldn't be mad or disappointed, I would lift them up, encourage (and probably try to fix it.)
 I think I realized this last part within the last year. There are some people in my life that don't tell me when things go wrong, or if they mess up. And I wasn't ever able to figure it out. Why do they hide things from me? Why didn't she tell me they broke up? When did they quit their job? I always assumed it was because I was untrustworthy or not a close enough friend. (Which hurt my feelings.) Now I realize that I have somehow exuded that I expect perfection or excellence and will be disappointed in less. But how exactly do I do that? How do I make someone else feel bad, when I am really trying to lift them up by telling them how wonderful they are. How do I stop doing it? Even being aware that it is happening- I can't pin point it. What do I currently say or do that I should stop doing or saying?
I think I do this to my sister-in-law. I think she is incredible. They fell in to a hard place. They live with my in-laws. But, they are doing everything they should. Working hard, trying to find a good home for their son, they love and take care of each other. But she says the most awful competitive things. Going as far as to say to the hubby "I will get a better house than you." She made it sound like she was kidding, but she wasn't. I even asked her if her goal was to make her brother jealous. She said yes. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't going to work because he wasn't a jealous person. And mean it just that way. Even if they both got Ah-mazing jobs that paid out the wah-zoo, bought an amazing house and their kid grew up to be a rhodes scholar- her brother would simply be happy for them. But I knew if I said that It would be interpreted as "It won't work because we will always be better than you." She is insecure, but she isn't (for the most part) the -lash-out-at-you-becuase-you-have-what-she-wants. She is more the sibling rivalry kind of insecure. The hubby has always been more book smart than her and that is all she can focus on. She is very smart, she is gorgeous, she is a wonderful mother and aunt to the boys, she is a very hard worker with an amazing talent for leadership. I wish I could make her see that with out making her feel like she is going to fail if she doesn't do all those things all the time.

Another element to all this that I am realizing that I am pretty smart. I honestly never thought of others as beneath me intellectually.  I am able to carry on conversations with friends from high school, who in hindsight were in the special ed program, and enjoy myself. We laugh, cry, discuss serious things and I was never bored or annoyed. I have engaged in conversation with professors and educators that I would consider highly intelligent and above me on the intellectual level  and been told that they "really enjoyed our conversation." The latter was quite recently and has revealed to me that I can hold my own. I feel like when I talk with "smart people" I am faking it... lol Like I am getting away with something. I am almost scared they discover I am not as smart. However, I am realizing that I am a bit more intelligent than I give myself credit for.

I had a conversation with a long time friend a few months ago about magazines. When they described their magazines, I was jealous because I liked the ones they got and I often eye them in  the check out line but never buy. When I described mine,the response was "we don't get smart magazines like that." I was really taken aback. I never thought of National Geographic or Smithsonian as "Smart." They just sparked my interest. Are these the kind of things that make people think that I think they are not good enough? I don't know.

 I just want people to know that I have no desire to make others feel bad. In fact, it is just the opposite. I want everyone to feel loved and good.

Deep down I am a solid believe in Love.

Monday, April 8, 2013


I bought wrinkle/firming cream today.

What a follower.

No really, my eyes are all droopy and such.

So embarrassed that I even feel I need it.

I didn't even tell the hubby.

Only you guys.

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Hiding in plain sight

So we have groceries to be put away and cleaning to be done. I gave the hubby the option to clean up or sit with the boys. He chose the boys. So with my task before me, I opened the from door for some fresh air. I Looked outside, and realized that I have not sat in the sun in forever. So, I slipped out the front door picked a sun beam, and here I sit. I have had an incredibly stressful 2 or 3 weeks. That's how stressful it has been, i can't even remember when it started. It was before conference week.
I know that much because I had to tell a parent at conferences that their kid had been in ISS for 2 days. Long story short. Kid stabbed other kid with pen. ISS ensues, parents don't return phone calls, I tell dad at conference. Dad says nothing. Blank stare nothing. So I ask "so, what do you think?" His response "I don't know what to think."
That's it.
The kid, the next day, is telling me that he is getting the hobbit on DVD with Lego men to match.
Way to reward your kid for stabbing, lying and getting into ISS.
F this.
This year sucks and I am ready to be done.
I have never felt this way before.
I am starting to resent these kids and it is not fair to the 22 who behave and are sweet that 5 butt heads are ruining their year.
The shadows of the yard are encroaching on my sun beam. Time to book it inside and what I planned to do originally.

Music will help.