The beach

The beach was supposed to make me feel better. The day before we left, the under of my left eye started twitching. It hasn't done this in years. It is only when I am super stressed that this happens. I was hoping that this week would relax me and I would feel better. But I just feel more depressed. I haven't really been depressed in a long while either. It sucks because it makes the beach suck also. Little man HATES being outside, even when well covered and in the shade. I don't know if it is the noise or the wind or he just hates anything that will make me happy. Big boy has developed a serious attitude about everything and has become suddenly attached and must be next to me. But at the same time he wants to run amok near the water. My new bathing suit doesn't fit well. At least it was cheap. All I want to do is sleep and that just looks weird on a vacation with your in-laws. They won't get it, trust me, we have had this conversation. I have a weird rash on my leg, WTH. I NEVER have skin issues. My eye twiching has just gotten worse. Just depressed.

stess

stress does not even begin to describe it...

So Last Monday began as a sucky Monday- First of all, it was a Monday. By all understandings, it was supposed to suck. Mom called the Hubby all pissed because the dogs had to go out. Since I have started working and she is watching the boys she requested that I take the dogs out in the morning. Which I did. Well, apparently, they needed to go out again. So she takes them out, they chase another dog, so she lets them go. Which is a good thing. It is better than them taking her down. So when I get home I can hear Munchkin barking in the distance. So I walk through the neighbor's yard, until I come to the creek and woods so thick, I can not see in.
I walk back to the house and change clothes. Jeans, Gymshoes, lightweight jacket and gloves. Then I dove right into the woods that surround my house and wind through the neighborhoods. After about 30 minutes walking through the woods following the barks of my mother's dog. I come upon the stinkers. They had managed to completely knot themselves into the woods. How they managed to get that far before getting tangled is beyond me. They were so far in that if they had not been barking, I would have NEVER have found them. I knew I had to be close to the neighborhood that backs up to ours. I know there is one there, I can see lights from houses in the winter. After more vine dodging, I come to a fence. A SOLID fence. So we follow the fence until We breakthrough to an open yard. Indeed- a neighborhood. In fact THE house that I had been  at for a yard sale just a month or 2 before. I could have sworn the house was near ours- In fact is is the house I can see the lights of in the winter after all. So I walk the dogs home along the roads and when I arrived home another good 30 minutes later, I showered. After the shower I mapquested my walk home. 2.5 miles. Yeh. Good Job Dogs.
Oh and I started my period. For the first time in 2012.

That was Monday.

Tuesday- My sister in law learns she has lost her holiday bonus and may loose her job

Wednesday I am told that I have 11 days of unpaid leave from work. I only work 180 days a year so when you miss 11 of those days unpaid it is VERY expensive. The kind of expensive that renders one with out a paycheck for an entire month.
One upside- I realize after about 10 minutes of uncontrollable sobbing that I have short term disability. But we are unable to get a hold of the lady who handles insurance for the school system.

Thursday- Finally speak to insurance person and get paper work to be completed. I fax that off like a happy camper.
Oh- and sis in law gets to keep job- but still no bonus.

Friday- Turns out I faxed wrong form to dr office. They are closed by the time I find this out...
Mom calls in the middle of a disaster of a math test- She fell and thinks she broke her ankle.
I leave as soon as I can with out it costing me any more of my paycheck. And I take her to the local urgent care. Good news- ankle not broken, bad news- it is her leg. Just above the ankle, she has a displaced bone.

Saturday- Uncle is coming into town next week so we can go on vacation. Hubby works so I have 3 ppl who are completely dependent on me. It really worked out ok though.  Just a lot. A Lot.

Sunday- Revived by worship, Mom still doing well.

Monday- Mom insists on watching baby boy, little man goes to a friends house (same friend who watched him when I was in labor.)  I called at lunch and mom seemed a little out of it, she said she was sleeping, baby was asleep and everything was fine.

I come home and everything is not fine. I think she took to much meds, she is slurry and spacey. I am so glad nothing happened, but what if it had. She is sleeping now, I pray that it is meds and not something wrong either. I know she did not take them on purpose to get high. That is my dad, not her. It is not her style. She kept saying, I hate this.
I am just
I am just- I don't know.
update:
Mom woke up in a lot of pain. I told her it was prob because of the rain (you know and the broken leg.) She was much more clear headed and better spoken. She mentioned that this weather means she will have a rough day tomorrow with pain. So I said that if she thought it would be bad, then I could put Hade in daycare. She said that it might be a good idea. I already made plans for him to be with the same friend that keeps Little Man Wed and Thursday.  Wednesday because Mom has her ortho appt. and Justin can not take mom and the baby at the same time. Thursday- well I don't have an excuse yet. We will play that by ear.

Ok- I NEED this vacation next week.

 

baby boy and little man

I have gone back to work. It is nice to be back in a routine and to see my friends. It is also nice to have a break. A break from puke-y baby, stubborn toddler and my mom. Again with the I-wish-I-wanted-to-be-a-stay-at-home-mom.

But the good thing about being away for part of the day- it makes coming home sweeter. I have yet to have a full week, so next week will be the true test. My mom really has not had a full week. My wonderful mother in law took both the bots for a few nights, so we were able to rest.

So, I am totally in love with the Little Man, my big boy. But I wasn't always. I had a hard time bonding with him at first. I guess there was a little post-partum depression, but not bad. It was not the kind where I did not want to pick up the baby, but the kind where you just want to sleep. I was upset that I couldn't breast feed, and pumping just sucks. He was behind with cognitive development, so he wasn't a smiley baby. He cried a lot. It took us a long time to get him onto a formula that allowed him to be comfortable. It took a while, but I now adore my oldest child.

With baby boy, I was in love from the moment they laid him on my chest. I get it when people say "I could stare at him for hours." I didn't with Little Man. But I do with baby boy. Baby boy looks just like his big brother. His nose is a little different, but the shape of his face, eyes, cheeks, it is all little man. The fact that his nose is different, means he doesn't look as much like the hubby.

I know all parents think their children are the most adorable creatures to walk the earth, and so do I. Little man has been told by complete strangers in passing that he is too pretty to be a boy. He really is very cute. I just hope baby boy is as cute. Is that egotistical? I mean- it is half my genetics determining what they look like. And the other half- I picked. Right?

I also know that if a person is good looking, their life may be a little easier. May being the key word.

a little bit of nothing.

So I thought I solved my problem of forgetting ideas for the blog.

I downloaded the blogger app.

I went to log in.

I forgot my password.

I logged onto the computer.

I have the password saved on the compy, so I never have to type the password in.

I went to the log in page.

The magical dots appeared as the password.

I counted the dots- the right number for my usual passwords.

I went back to my app.

I tried EVERY magical combination of the 2 passwords that are 8 characters long.

I tried EVERY magical combination of the 2 passwords and capital letters possible.

I still have NO idea what my password is.

To change my password inside the website, I need to know it. sonofabitch

so this is  a post about nothing- because all the good ideas come to me when I am out...