Wednesday, November 14, 2012

I think we all have a little PTSD

I was walking my dogs early this morning. It is a task that eats up my precious sleeping time, but the back door is broken. The back door is where we put the dogs on their run. So because we can out them out, I have to walk them. Anyway, I am looking up at the very dark sky and there is a plane flying low about to land and for the briefest of moments my stomach tightens and I panic. "Is that too low?" And then it passes. But upon reflecting, I realize I think this a lot. It all goes back to September 11, 2001.
My goodness it was over 11 years ago, and I still have fleeting thoughts of panic when I see a jet liner flying low. Is this imbedded in our American psyche? Does anyone else still have a reaction?
It can't be just me.
According to the Mayo Clinic this is the definition of PTSD.
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

Sounds about right.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

big girl

All my life I have had boring bras. Mom only got me white bras or the occasional light pink bra. I think one of my first ones, you know the ones you get before you actually need one, was blue, very light blue. But that was the extent of my bra variety. I bought a black one in high school so I could wear black tops and dresses. I had a red one for a very short period of time. It was in a bag of hand me downs from a family friend. I think the girl slipped it in on purpose. I think she felt bad for me. haha
It turned out I out grew it far too quickly. It is a good thing- I like my boobs and all.

But all that started a trend of me buying boring bras. Now most are flesh colored, and I like that b/c I have this fear of being that girl at wal-mart that you can see her polka-dotted bra through her shirt.

So I broke free from the boredom. I bought a bra that is zebra print. Still black and white, but baby steps right?

The hubby showed WAY too much enthusiasm.

Friday, November 9, 2012

I get myself all worked up.

I am ridiculous. Just stupid ridiculous. Stupid is modifying ridiculous, not me. Well, this was pretty dumb.
I had the mirena IUD put in the first of October. I have had my period ever since. When I went in originally they asked me at least a dozen times if I could be pregnant. That, right there, started my paranoid panic. "Why are they asking?" "Do they know something I don't?" "What if that one time we didn't use a condom, but didn't finish b/c the baby threw up..." What if the condones failed? " All this was in the drs office before they even put the stupid thin in. They automatically do a pregnancy test before hand it was negative. So then I get my period that same day. And it hasn't stopped. In fact very gradually it gets heavier and heavier. So 6 weeks later I call the dr. An important fact about me is that I have a sensitive schnoz. So I noticed that I was smelling everything. Like everything. Like when I was preggers with the boys. Then I was sick today. So I went back to the OBGYN. The nurse dips the stick in my "collection" and glances down, walks to the computer and enters something. When we get into the room, she says something along the lines of heavy bleeding could mean pregnancy. WHAT! So I asked her" do you really think I may be pregnant? She said the dip stick said no at first, but she will double check it. Oh, oh that is better. The laughs and says she is going to wait to take my blood pressure because she is pretty sure she just shot it through the roof. yeah lady, you did. Good job. She came back a minute later and confirmed that there was no baby. But this is the perfect example of me working myself up and into a small tizzy. Ok- Big tizzy.

Monday, November 5, 2012


Yay! My puppy came home!! She was skinny and dirty and her paw is hurt- BUT SHE IS HOME!

That means all this CRAPOLA on the internet will Stop.

I am so over my own political party. Like SO over it.

I am almost ashamed to call myself a republican. Not because I am a moderate at heart, but because the right wing of my party is making an ASS of itself. Rape is God's Will?? Are you freaking kidding me? Your theology is all kinds of screwed up. Obama is not an American- Are you freaking kidding me? Do you really think he was able to slip by the FBI? come on. All I have for both my boys is a certificate of live birth. Mostly because I have totally neglected to go to the court house and get a copy of the birth certificate. Are my kids not real citizens? Then there is the blatant name calling and bull shit lies about what will happen if he continues to be president. If he was going to do anything- he would have done it already.
I oppose him based on his economic and educational policies.
This lady on the radio yesterday called in response to the host's question "Are you anxious about the election? What will you do if your candidate doesn't win?" She was nearly in tears saying how terrible things are. She is an artist and the economy is so bad and people don't have money for things like art. She is correct. However, I don't know what she thinks a change in administration will do. I have  a basic understanding of  the broader economic sphere. Obama came into this mess. Correct, he has not done much to make it better, but he didn't cause it. I would think Obama would be this woman's best bet. She would prob qualify for insurance, and govt assistance under Obama. Plus, the democrats are all about the arts. So what does she think will happen?
I worry that she is so desperate and scared that she poured all her hopes into a presidential candidate, like it is an instant solution. I worry about her, what if Obama wins? Will she loose hope all together? What if Romney wins and then doesn't **poof** make things better? Which disappointment is worse?
This reminds me that we can not worry about tomorrow, for today has enough troubles. Put your hope in the Lord and you will never be disappointed. Put your faith in people and you will be disappointed.
 Faith in the Lord, not elected officials. Haven't we learned this in the last 4,000 years?

Friday, November 2, 2012

my insignificant problems

So my dog is missing- and it is killing me.

But I hate that I feel bad. I have a friend from Rainbow who moved to Florida just a few months ago. On Monday her husband went missing. On Thursday he was found at a hospital with no memory of the last 3 days and was acting strange. Now, her status is asking for serious prayers, with no explanation. I certainly do not require details to pray for someone, and I will happily do so without asking what is up. My thing is that I know she has had one of the WORST weeks of her life... and my dog is missing...

People all over the east coast are devastated. Their homes are GONE. Their loved ones are GONE. and my dog is missing.

I feel so selfish. But I can't help the way I feel. I miss my dog.