Been a while

So it has been a while, but not really. I have started like 5 posts, but my phone app won't let me save drafts. So the bloggerverse gets the short end of the stick on that one.

It seems inappropriate to blog about anything but the Sandyhook tragedy.
I am broken.
But I was almost broken so much more.

Baby boy has an angel care monitor under his mattress. Just like his big bro. It goes off all the time when he moves to a corner. So when it went off again, I walked the 15 feet to the other side of our partitioned bedroom to check on him.

I touched his face- no response.

I picked him up- his head flopped back

I listened- no breath

I patted (quite aggressively) he whined.

I cried out for the hubby.

He took baby boy- I collapsed sobbing and praying. Thanking God for saving my baby boy.

Thanking God for the over indulgent purchase that only a silly first time mother would by. -Yes, I was called just that when describing my purchase 2 years ago.

So tonight as I climb the stairs to his room for the fourth to put the pacifier back in his mouth as he screams because it fell out, - again- I thank God I am climbing the stairs to a crying baby, not to an alarm.

SIDS is just that Sudden Infant Death Syndrome- because they can find no other reason for them dying. They just stop breathing. He was on his back, he had a pacifier, everything they say to do.

But he is ok- and I will always tell an expectant mother to buy one- it was worth every penny and I would pay it again every day if it meant that I can keep my boys safe.