Friday, February 22, 2013


A while ago I posted about the changes in life that we see as we get older. One of those was divorce.
I have a friend who recently separated from her husband. She did the right thing. It was a long time coming and despite her best efforts she needed to leave. He was verbally abusive and did not put his family above his insecurities. Josh Brolin and Dianne Lane are divorcing also. Hollywood is a special place. Where divorce is simply an option. I have no view into their personal lives. I can imagine Hollywood marriages are wrought with abuse. These are people of great power and great insecurities. Those two things make jealousy vicious. I don't think anyone should stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy, truly unhappy. Never going to be happy again, unhappy. I grew up with most of my friends had divorced parents. My parents stayed married until my mother became a widow. One of my best friend growing up her parents are still married.  Another came from divorced parents, but her mother remarried before I met her and has had a long and successful second marriage. The hubby's parent's are still married, happily so.
I heard once that children of divorced parents are likely to divorced themselves. I hate statistics like that. It gives people an excuse. "Oh well, my parents divorced too, it was bound to happen." I know people think like this because every year I hear "I know, It is ok, I was bad at Math too." EVERY YEAR. No, no it is not ok. That is a soap box I am going to avoid right now.
I feel for my friend who just moved into her own place. I don't pity her, no. She is an incredibly strong and independent person who does not deserve "pity" or for someone to "feel sorry" for her. She wouldn't like that. Instead I feel for her emotionally. The little bit she has told me has to only be the tip of the iceberg.
I feel that they were mismatched from the beginning. She is incredibly intelligent and ambitious and he is not. She is fiercely supportive of the people she loves, he is selfish. She is acutely aware of her actions and how they affect the people around her. He has no idea how his actions ripple out and affect everyone around him.

This brings me to my own husband. This experience of seeing the inside of an imploding relationship has made me so very grateful and aware how kind and loving my own husband is. When my sister in law was still in her dating time she dated a lot of fools. Absolute fools. All good looking fools. That is not to say my hubby isn't good looking. I certainly think so, I am quite attracted ti him.  I told her when she was complaining once that "Justin would never do that." Her response is "I am never going to find a guy like my brother, why look?" I told her then, "If you are looking for someone like your brother, be willing to wait for it." She looked at me like I was nuts. She didn't wait, in fact, she ended up with someone like her dad. How cliche. Right? The same things she used to complain about her dad, she now complains about in her hubby. I can say, he is a very kind and loyal person. His flaws are sports and beer related, nothing that can not be overcome. He loves her and their son so very much and it is very obvious. They are simply young and navigating in a tough situation. I have to say they are doing very well at it too.

My own husband is very intelligent and kind. He has quickly moved through the ranks and is now in a management position. Everyone who works for him and with him loves him. Rightly so. He expresses concern for his employees and their families, he encourages a kind work environment, he is considerate of their needs and situations, he handles problems with grace positivity and he prays. All of the characteristics he displays at work he truly embodies. He is all of those things with me and our boys and with my mom. As a rule, he is non confrontational, but he will if he has to. He doesn't hide from it. He is SOOOOOOO good to me. He has never put me down. Never called me a name. Never let things get too far. He is always willing talk through things. Of course he isn't perfect, but God doesn't do it that way.

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