Fall

I am so glad it is fall!!

It has always been my favorite season. When I was little it was because my birthday is in fall.
As I have gotten older it has more to do with the season of food!

But I really do love fall for all its wonders. The cooler weather. The beauty of the trees. The smell of burning leaves. All of it... and my brithday.

I guess that is an only child thing.

Anyway- Happy Fall Y'all

Just a little

I just had a moment.

There was something on pintrest about turning 30.

And I had a moment.

My stomach got tight and I though... 1 month...

I have never been worried about age. A teacher I worked with when I was in high school was a very smart woman who was worthy of looking up to.

She talked about how she was determined to grow old with grace. She found out early in her marriage that she would not have children. She was blessed with many nieces and nephews that she loved like her own. She had an aunt (I think) that died quite young, and this particular aunt was very obsessed with looking young. When she passed, this teacher said that she would embrace age. God has given her every year, and she is going to appreciate all that he is giving her.

I really took that to heart, and I too want to age with grace*

So I am taking this moment, putting it to the blog, and then letting it go.

I am turning 30. I have always acted like an old lady, so 30 is not that big of a deal.

a kinder soul

Our pastor gave us a set of little red dots. They to simply remind us to pray. I put one on the corner of my phone, and I feel like I have done a pretty good job at sending up a small something when I see it.

I heard something on the radio this morning that made me want  to more.

It made me want to be a light.

I don't think I have been a light lately. I have been so stressed and it has made me quite egocentric.

My husband has been amazing. He has done laundry. He has done dishes. He has been kind.
I just let him.

I need to be better to him, our home, our boys, my students.

I need to be a light.

I need to be a light to my coworkers.

I need to be a light and warm place for my students.

I need to be a light, warm place, and open arms for my husband.

I will do more, I will do better, by the grace of God, I will be the light.

Our home cleaning strategy

So we have a new strategy for keeping our house in shape-
 A steady stream of guests.

That is is- fear of embarrassment. Social Pressure.
 Because internal motivation sure isn't doing it.

So we have been making plans for every weekend and so far it has worked- AND we actually get to see people.

So we will see how this grand plan continues to carry out.

Along those same lines. I had a dream that a teacher from work was over at my house and she spilled a glass of water in my bathroom. So she took it upon herself to clean the ENTIRE bathroom. These things are called dreams for a reason right?

It is either going to be very good or very bad

I was asked to do some Bou Dior pics for a girl whom I did her engagement pictures not too long ago.
She was mostly concerned if I would be comfortable with doing them. That is not a problem.

The problem is I don't know how I will do.

I put in a google image search for them. I always do this for new ideas. I was prepared to get some raunchy pics.

Actually the pics were soooo great... or soooooo bad. Just bad photography, bad lighting, bad angles.

When I see senior portraits or newborn pics- I see a range. Some are just bad, some are ok, some are great, some are AMAZING- I WISH I COULD DO THAT AMAZING.

but the bou dior pics... just great or AWFUL. like no one should have put their trademark on them bad. They should not be on a website. I would not make someone pay for them bad.

No middle ground.

Oh lord. let me be good at this genre.

I am terrified

So I am so scared. I am so scared I will not "do" this year right.

I have moved grade levels.

I am now the special ed host for the new grade level.

I will be departmentalized.

I will have gifted kids at the same time.

I am scared parents are after me already.

I am getting e-mails already, and I am afraid I will answer them wrong.

I am afraid I will tell them the right thing, but then everything will change (possibly getting another teacher on the grade level, who is teaching what, our over all scheduel,) and I will look like I didn't know the right answers, so I made them up.

I am worried that the teacher that will be getting my special ed babies for the other subjects will not be nice to them. (he had a reputation)

I am sad that I will not see my work wives as often.

I am worried, I will not be good enough, prepared enough, or just plain ready.

Confessions of failed gardener

These are my confessions:

The total haul from my garden so far is 5 beans. Those were the most expensive beans I have ever eaten. 

My neighbor gave me my tomato plants, and he has huge juicy tomatoes. I have pretty yellow flowers that never turn into tomatoes. 

When my neighbor made a special trip to my house to show off his cool looking tomatoes, I kinda wanted to show him a green bean. And then shove it in his nose, but then I would only have 4 green beans. 

When people show their amazing veggies they are harvesting from their own gardens, I realize that I should have more than yellow flowers. I seriously still thought I should still be waiting for veggies/fruit. 

Every time I buy tomatoes it makes me slightly violent. Inside my head violent. Like throwing a 2 year old style tantrum in the store, throwing tomatoes against the wall and yelling "It's not Fair!!" 

The biggest confession of all, I should have put my garden in the middle of the yard like my mother suggested. Sigh